No Doubts
by AnglophileConfessions
Summary: Jackson tells Lydia he is leaving for London. They discuss rather their futures will include one another.


"So, you're just...going to leave?" Lydia asked. She felt sad and foolish, like the gullible girl who fell for the trick at school.

"Yeah..My family thinks it will be the best thing for all of us." Jackson said not meeting Lydia's eyes. Jackson nearly died less than a month ago. Derek bit Jackson, he had turned into the kanima and murdered innocent people, he had been attacked by Peter and Derek in an attempt to stop him, and then he had turned into a werewolf. Lydia watched these events unfold and found herself wishing that she could just go back to the world she knew; the one without werewolves and kanimas.

"Do you think it is?" Lydia said, her voice quivering. She took a deep breath through her nose, trying desperately to pretend as though this wasn't crushing a part of her.

"Yeah, I do, actually." Jackson said quietly. Normally Jackson was always cold and commanding, but she had never seen him look so small. Lydia didn't know what to say. She felt oddly betrayed. After everything they had been through together he was going to just leave her. They loved each other at one point, but despite what Jackson had said to her upon waking on the cold hard concrete of the warehouse, he didn't seem to love her anymore. To be honest, Lydia wasn't sure that she loved him either. When they were together it felt less like love and more like a comfortable habit. Lydia couldn't decide when this had began, but sometime over the summer when they had attempted to mend their mangled relationship she had realized she didn't really know if she really _wanted_ to keep dating Jackson. On the other hand, she had never faced this world without a crutch; Jackson was her crutch. When her parents had divorced, he had held her while she cried. He was with her when her parents bought her Prada as some kind of apology...but, Jackson also abandoned her to seek power from Derek. He had decided that she didn't have a place in the new life he was planning for himself. You don't abandon the people you're supposed to love.

Lydia struggled to process her numerous emotions for many weeks after Jackson had sent her the message saying that he was leaving for London in a few weeks time. A text message...he couldn't even tell her in person. She began spending less with him and gradually realized that she was avoiding him altogether. She found herself hoping that if she ignored everything it would just go away. Lydia Martin was too smart to believe that though. So, of course, one Friday evening she found herself in the parking lot of a diner they used to go to on weekends.

"Lydia, I want you to know that I'm not leaving because of you or anything. I just think I need time away from Beacon Hills. After everything that has happened, I can't stay here. I...I killed people, Lydia. I don't even remember it, but I did it."

Lydia understood this, but it didn't stop her from feeling hurt by his willingness to forget her. She was less heartbroken by Jackson's actual leaving and more upset about the feelings it left her with. She felt as though she weren't enough for anyone, like no matter how hard she tried, she could never please anyone. She could never persuade someone to stay for too long...

"I understand, Jackson. I do. You need a fresh start away from everything here. I understand. It's just...weird. You know? We've never really had a life outside of one another. Even when we weren't together, it was always about making one another jealous. It's hard to imagine Beacon Hills without you."

"I know," Jackson began, "But, you'll be okay, Lydia. You always come out on top in the end. I just don't feel like we can do this anymore. It's not the same and I know neither of us are happy. We're trying to fit back into a lifestyle that doesn't suit either of us anymore. Too much has happened." He said all of this in clipped tone, looking Lydia directly in the eyes, arms folded over his chest. Lydia knew Jackson well. Any time he behaved this way he was simply trying to cover up any emotion that could show itself. Jackson had never been the type of guy to show feeling and he wasn't about to start now. "Besides, I'm not even sure we know each other anymore."

As soon as he said the words, Lydia suddenly realized how true they were. They really didn't know each other at all. Lydia's frustration began to melt. Although she was still hurt she felt as though she were free in some way. This was her chance to stand solidly on her own. Jackson's leaving would leave Lydia to discover herself. No more pretending to be ditzy. No more walking behind Jackson and being treated as though she were some kind of trophy. Lydia was a human being, a woman, and she deserved to feel happy. She was clever and strong and beautiful. Without Jackson and her past weighing her down, she felt as though she could finally breathe. She had been so busy trying to get back to her old life that she hadn't realized that she didn't really want it.

Without saying a word, Lydia stepped forward and hugged Jackson then stood on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek one last time. "For once, I think maybe you're right, Jackson." He looked startled at Lydia's sudden change in tone. "We need to figure out who we are on our own. I'm not the same girl I was 6 months ago. Or even a year ago. I love you, Jackson. But, I can't love you the way I used to. I thought maybe we could work this out, but I think that we both need our space." Lydia looked down at her feet as she stepped away from Jackson. She smiled at him and wiped away the tear that had escaped down her cheek.

"You know, sometimes I think you're a lot smarter and stronger than you give yourself credit for, Lydia." Jackson said, looking at Lydia with a kind of new respect. Lydia smirked in response and turned to head towards her car. Yes. Lydia Martin was strong and smart. And she knew it.


End file.
